


Crossing Paths

by jesseheisenburg



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Barduil Big Bang, M/M, Sexting, bard is a stripper, dads being dads, everyone has fun with that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-26 14:11:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3853573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesseheisenburg/pseuds/jesseheisenburg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A moping, lonely Thranduil annoys the living hell out of Legolas and Elrond. Enter Bard Bowman, a stripper secretely hired for a party just for Thranduil. After the party's over, it seems that they will never see each other again. Of course, an ill-timed departure from Bard's shipyard brings them together again, in a stopped elevator of all things.<br/><a href="http://spanglesandsass.tumblr.com/post/118459202384/my-super-late-art-for-mysterymeat666s-barduil-big">Super amazing (and spoilery) art by spanglesandsass!</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my piece for the Barduil Big Bang! Please enjoy.  
> Some notes for clarity: Sigrid and Bain are twins in this story

Legolas closed the front door behind him, stomping his feet to rid his boots of the springtime mud before he walked into the kitchen. No doubt his father was in there, reading the newspaper and brooding as he had been the past week. Legolas sighed. His father sometimes worked himself into bad moods, but none had ever lasted this long. They had never progressed past the inevitable night with a bottle of some expensive liquor, but this one was apparently here to stay for some time.

 

“Da, it’s me.” Legolas announced as he walked into the kitchen.

 

“Hm”, Thranduil hummed in response, as he lifted a small glass of vodka to his lips.

 

“Jesus, da! You have no shame”, Legolas muttered as he took the bottle of Absolut off the table and returned it to the cabinet, “It’s not even 3 o’clock yet. You’re barely respectable.”

 

Thranduil just hummed again, and returned halfheartedly to the newspaper in front of him and Legolas rolled his eyes. He pulled out his phone to text Elrond, his father’s longtime business associate.

 

**From: Legolas Oropherion**

He's still moping.

 

**From: Elrond Peredhil**

How drunk is he?

 

**From: Legolas Oropherion**

Somewhat intoxicated...

 

**From: Elrond Peredhil**

How classy. I'll be over in a bit.

 

Legolas slid his phone into pocket and stalked up to his room to change into more comfortable pants. True to his word, Elrond arrived twenty minutes later in a flourish of glamorous clothes and long hair. He invited himself into the foyer with a unique grandeur that only he and Thranduil could master.

 

"Thranduil!" He called, "I hope you've not drank yourself into oblivion just yet." He walked into the kitchen and set a hand into the shoulder hunched over the newspaper, "I was rather looking forward to your company."

 

Thranduil closed his reading with a crisp sigh and looked pointedly at his son.

 

"And to what do I owe the pleasure?" He moved Elrond's hand from his shoulder and rose to greet him.

 

"I can't drop in on a troubled friend? What's go your panties in a knot?"

 

"I haven't the faintest idea to what you're referring to."

 

Elrond raised a meticulously sculpted eyebrow.

 

"You mean to tell me that it's normal to drink shitty liquor in the middle of the day without so much as a smile on your face? Give me a break." Elrond teased, subtly motioning for Legolas to leave so as to ease Thranduil's reluctance to speak of his more adult issues.

 

"I'm not about to take life advice from a man with a boyfriend half his age, thank you.”

 

Elrond laughed at this.

 

"Goodness, you're tense. I never thought I'd see the great Thranduil Oropherion succumbing to loneliness." Thranduil rolled his eyes.

 

"I still haven't the faintest."

 

Elrond stayed for a long while after retrieving the bottle of Absolut. He saw himself out of the kitchen and found Legolas waiting for him in the foyer.

 

"What's the verdict?"

 

"Oh, he'll get over himself. Won't be giving you much trouble now that he knows we can tell when he hasn't indulged in his share of carnal pleasures." Legolas wrinkled his nose at Elrond's innuendo and waited for him to continue his thought.

 

"I'm going to throw him a party," he revealed after a moment, "and I want to make sure that he... meets someone."

 

"Say no more. Please."

 

"I'll text you the details later." Legolas ushered him out the door.

 

* * *

 

Tauriel returned from her soccer practice and was immediately whisked up to Legolas's room. Once she was sat upon the bed, he turned his laptop towards her.

 

"I need help picking a party stripper for da," he said and continued despite her confusion, "I have it narrowed down to a couple of choices. What do you think?" He showed her the pictures of each handsome face and set of muscles.

 

"That one," she pointed at one with long dark hair and lean muscles, "the dragonslayer."  She said, mocking the tawdry moniker with a suggestive movement of her eyebrows. Legolas nodded in approval at her choice.

 

"I was thinking the same." He motioned for her to hand him his phone from the bedside table and called the number of the service.

 

"Hello, I'd like to hire one of your dancers for a party." There was a pause. "Um, is 'the dragonslayer' available for hire?" Another pause. "Great, thank you. Um, the twelfth at 10. 10 pm. 23 Mirkwood Avenue. Thank you so much."

 

Legolas sighed and shared a look with Tauriel's before texting Elrond to let him know everything was sorted.

 

* * *

 

At 9 pm, Thranduil opened the door to Elrond and Lindir, arms laden with bottles of alcohol. After them came a tide of the residents of Mirkwood Avenue and Rivendell Terrace that Thranduil could stand. Within an hour, Thranduil had a pleasant buzz in his head and was about to pour himself more wine when Elrond pushed him towards the living room.

 

"Your drink can wait, darling." He said with a surprising amount of finesse considering the sheer amount of liquor he had consumed. Thranduil was, at first, pleasantly confused, but not for long. When Legolas and Tauriel descended the stairs with grins directed right at him, he knew something awful was in store for him.

 

"Oh god, what did you do?"

 

"I haven't the faintest idea to what you're referring to." Thranduil glanced around anxiously wishing his wine glass was filled with something strong. The doorbell rang and Legolas looked absolutely ready to burst with laughter. Elrond feigned surprise.

 

"Oh well I wonder who that could be." He left Thranduil sitting dumbly in an armchair as he greeted the surprise guest. The guest walked through the door and Thranduil immediately felt the heat rise to his face. The man was beautiful, with defined cheek bones, tan skin, and long hair Thranduil wanted to run his hands through. Elrond look at the blush rising to that usually stoic face and nudged Legolas as he passed.

 

"Good choice." He pointed to Thranduil's blushing face. The man turned to Elrond.

 

"So, is this the lucky boy?" He teased and Thranduil knew he was done for. If that body didn't kill him, his rough, sultry voice would.

 

"The same." Elrond replied, all smiles. Thranduil swallowed as they approached. He held out his glass.

 

"Elrond, if you have any mercy left in your heart for me, you'll return with this cup filled with the strongest alcohol you can find." He took the cup and retreated to the kitchen's liquor cabinet. At this point, every guest had come into the room to watch the events unfolding.

 

"Your friends paid me for a dance. I've got a feeling you're not going to refuse it."

 

"Well aren't you presumptuous." Thranduil replied, his blush betraying his nonchalant tone. The man, who he now had come to understand as a stripper hired by Elrond, just laughed.

 

“That’s my job, darling.” His smile was lecherous. Thranduil cursed himself for drinking so much alcohol, for it reddened his face and robbed him of his confidence. The dancer approached him and stopped when his boots were touching the bottom of his chair. He lifted his leg and settled his knee between Thranduil’s. The party-goers lost themselves in laughter, Elrond included as he brought Thranduil his vodka.

 

There was a moment of silence after he received the liquor. The dancer, along with everyone else in the room, stopped, waiting for some kind of agreement from Thranduil that this really was about to happen. He looked up at the stripper and considered what he had to lose.

 

He downed the vodka. Everyone cheered as the dancer laughed.

 

“I guess that was a yes then.” The mysterious man continued, “Time to get started.”

 

He took Thranduil’s hand and guided it as it pushed up his shirt to reveal an intimidatingly toned abdomen. Thranduil, now really regretting downing a tumbler full of Absolut, tried not to focus on how much the feeling of taught muscle was affecting him. Once the shirt reached the apex of his arms, the stripper placed Thranduil’s hand on his stomach so he could remove the garment entirely.

 

Once it was off, he stood back, and Thranduil let his hand trail off of his body. His fingertips brushed the line of dark, coarse hair that disappeared into the waistband of his jeans. He swallowed.

 

The dancer slowly removed his knee from between Thranduil’s legs and stood before him. He unbuttoned his pants just as slow, pausing between the button and the zipper. Thranduil swallowed again and the man hooked his fingers into his empty belt loops and pulled.

 

He kept pulling downward, revealing the curve of his apollo’s belt and the veins running out from under the waistband of his underwear. Thranduil was preoccupied with keeping his eyes strictly above the belt as the man divested himself of his pants, the practice of stripping evident in his ability to rid himself of jeans while keeping on a pair of loosened work boots.

When he straightened out, Thranduil’s concentration slipped and his eyes wandered lower to a rather impressive...item in the stripper’s black boxer-briefs. He felt his eyes widen unconsciously and his blush deepen. The man was absolutely gorgeous; just the right amount of clearly natural muscles that were built with work and experience. His skin was tanned, again, naturally. He was genuinely beautiful and irresistible. Elrond laughed in the background.

 

“Turn around!” He advised, “he really likes back muscles!” He smiled devilishly. Of course, of course, Elrond would break out one of Thranduil’s many but well guarded secret weaknesses. If Thranduil wasn’t drunk he would have jumped up and smacked Elrond into the next century. The stripper obliged him, however, and turned to reveal one of the sexiest backs he had ever seen.

 

His muscles were taut and well worked, darkened from the sun and hardened from use. He was all corded and sinewy muscle, and he moved his arms and shoulders so Thranduil see them swell and tighten. He swallowed for a third time since the stripping started and his eyes wandered yet again down over the stripper’s backside. Of course it was perfect and taut and firm like the rest of him. He had Thranduil’s vote as the sexiest man on earth.

 

Elrond laughed again and walked over to Thranduil’s chair.

 

“I think that’s enough. Any more and his nose is going to start bleeding right here. Thranduil had stopped thinking about his face, but now he realized he was beet red, which only embarrassed him more. The stripper nodded and looked to Thranduil.

 

“Pleasure to be of service.” He smirked, and bowed mockingly. He gathered his clothes and walked to the bathroom to get dressed. On his way out the door after, Legolas handed him his money.

 

Thranduil’s blush still hadn’t subsided even after his car had left. He stalked towards Elrond with his glass still in his hand.

 

“You,” Thranduil growled, “you are the devil." Elrond laughed at this.

 

"Believe it or not, but this wasn't my doing." Elrond gestured lightly to someone behind him. Thranduil brushed past him to the sight of Legolas biting his lip, face twitching in his effort to avoid eye contact.

 

"You are absolutely, completely grounded for a week, at least." He put his hand on his son's shoulder. "You're lucky I'm being so merciful." He stalked off to the kitchen to refill his drink and Elrond followed.

 

"Ok, ok," Elrond put up his hands, "it was my idea. He just picked the dancer." Thranduil glared at him.

 

"Don't think that helps his case. If I could punish you..." Thranduil smiled angrily and shook his head.

 

"So, regardless of any hostility, what did you think?"

 

"What did I think?" Thranduil shook his head again and poured out more vodka. "He was...very attractive." Elrond scoffed.

 

"That's it?"

 

"What do you want me to say? Do you want me to spill to you all my torrid, fitful fantasies while my son stands in the doorway?" Thranduil didn't even turn to address Legolas, who invited himself into the room.

 

"I think it'd be the best for you to hold your tongue about that for now," the articulated syllables reminding Elrond strikingly of Legolas's father, "but Elrond is right to push you. You've been too comfortable being lonely."

 

Thranduil stared at Legolas in an attempt at intimidation, but he was really trying to figure out how he had let his son see into him so deeply. How did Legolas know so much? He was only a teenager, for christ’s sake! He was supposed to be riddled with enough hormones to blind him from anything but his own fruitless sexual endeavours.

 

“What the fuck do you know? You’re a just a kid.”

 

“I’d be tempted to say the same about you,” Elrond stepped in, giving Thranduil a pointed glance before turning back to his son, “but I think it’s for the best if we chat alone. Would you be a dear and escort everyone out?”

 

Legolas gave a nod retreated to the other room, ushering out compliant guests who weren’t as keen to stay now that the entertainment was over. He then gathered Tauriel and they escaped up to his room. Thranduil wasn’t sure if it was really his place at the moment to comment on the missing vodka bottle that had disappeared along with the two teenagers. Elrond sat down and invited him to take a seat across the kitchen table.

 

“If there was a lesson you wanted me to learn, I am sure you could have done it without the aid of a hooker.”

 

“A stripper, Thranduil, a stripper. And I’m not sure if that’s really true. The entirety of this great, green earth could sit you down and tell you about your loneliness and you would still have the gall to ignore them. You needed to see for yourself.”

 

“But a stripper?”

 

“Who else could thrust themselves upon you without warning and expect to live to tell the tale? I didn’t have time to find you Mr. Right, just Mr. Good-Enough.” Thranduil didn’t respond to this for a long moment, he just stared into the vodka in his glass.

 

“Am I really that obvious?” He said after a while in a voice clouded with insecurity and a threatening spill of emotion. Elrond reached over the table to take his friend’s hand.

 

“I’m afraid so. I can only hope this whole ordeal has at least encouraged you to think about dating again.” Thranduil sighed at that, letting his shoulders slump.

 

“You should think about it soon. Legolas will be off to college and you’ll be left with this big empty house and no one to share it with.”

 

“If I promise to think about it, will you take your little boytoy home? I’ve had way too much vodka to handle you for more than another moment.”

 

Elrond smiled. “That’s the spirit!”

 

He left Thranduil in his kitchen and took Lindir out to his car. Thranduil got up from his seat and looked at all of the glasses and bottle he needed to clean up. After deciding it could wait until tomorrow, he stalked up to bed.

 

* * *

 

Thranduil had tried about ten times in the last two hours to get comfortable, but sleep would not come to him. He adjusted his pillows, his blanket, his position, everything. His mind was fitful and let him have no peace. It could not stop wandering to the thought of tanned skin and taut muscles, a lined but beautiful face and that hair he wanted to pull.

 

Of course, he was rather annoyed at his uncomfortable arousal, but he figured he could make the best of it. Perhaps relieving some tension would help him get to sleep.

 

He slid his hand under the waistband of his underwear and took himself in hand. God, he felt like a bloody teenager doing this. When he gripped himself a little tighter, he had to bite his lip to hold in his desperate moan. It was a lucky thing that Legolas’s room, and thus the two teenagers inside of it, were a good distance away from his own.

 

He ran his hand down his length and tightened his lips to muffle the noises he was making. His mind was filled with thoughts of a well muscled back tanned from the sun and work-calloused hands pinning him down.

 

Thranduil moaned through closed lips and quickened his pace. He felt heat building up in his stomach, a long awaited feeling he hadn't experienced in a while. The visions of tan skin and strong arms enveloped him, and he barely had the mind to lift his shirt up before ruining it as he finished.

 

He laid in bed and caught his breath before walking to the bathroom to clean up. After washing his stomach clean, Thranduil examined his face in the mirror. He inspected the age lines around his eyes and pulled at the loose skin there. Elrond always told him how jealous he was of Thranduil's skin, especially that of his face. Thranduil personally couldn't see it. Elrond's easier nature lit up his face with happiness. His reserved disposition lined his own face with frown and worry lines.

 

Cleaned up and relaxed, Thranduil settled into bed and fell asleep quickly.

 

* * *

 

Bard arrived home earlier than anticipated, which was really a shame seeing as he didn't get to see any more of that cute blonde he stripped for. He opened the door to his house and the soft noise of the television floated in from the other room. Sigrid and Bain were still awake and drying dishes.

 

"Da!" Sigrid put down her dishrag and hugged him, "you're home early."

 

"Yeah. You guys have a good night?"

 

Sigrid nodded. "Tilda was looking a little sick when she got home, though. She went to bed early. Make sure she's ok when she gets up. Goodnight." She hung up her towel and left for her own bedroom. Bain put away the last dish and turned to his father.

 

"Are you ever gonna quit..." He thought about his phrasing, "...your second job?"

 

Bard huffed out a short laugh. "When you two are out of college, maybe."

 

"Can't you get a safer job?"

 

"Bain," Bard put his hand on his son's shoulder, "frankly, my shipyard job is more dangerous. And this makes good money." He pulled the wad of bills from that night's gig out of the waistband of his underwear, which earned a shocked laugh from Bain. He counted it silently.

 

"300 dollars. What does that pay for?"

 

"A textbook, maybe two if I can find them used." Bard nodded.

 

"It's something. You should get to bed." He folded the money back up and put it in his pocket. "So should I." He patted Bain's back and left to his room.

  
That night, Bard dreamt of blonde hair in his hands and pale shoulders pinned under him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we have the chance second meeting... get ready for some explicit explicitness.

Thranduil was having the worst day in a while. He was already distracted; he had been for days. It wouldn't have been the end of the world if he had been mooning over some stripper he had met once at work, but today…

 

Today, everything was going wrong. He was held up in traffic and the coffee machine was broken. His main supplier from the shipyard was late with his order once again. This was the third time this quarter, and he was sick of it. But of course, to break the contract he had to actually go to the warehouse, find “The Master”, as he called himself, and speak with him.

 

He could feel the headache coming on as he called for his car to be brought around. Maybe this was what Elrond meant when he told him he was tense. Did he really just need sex or companionship to pick him up out of his corporate rut? Was this why he couldn’t get that damned stripper out of his head? The idea of these risqué activities and this mysterious man no doubt intrigued him.

 

Thranduil was taken out of his thoughts by the car arriving.

 

* * *

 

Bard felt like crying, screaming, and laughing all at once. His asshole boss, "the Master" as he was 'affectionately' dubbed, had left. For good. But not after embezzling $50,000 and leaving his seedy assistant behind to skulk about the office and Bard the only suitable employee for the job.

 

"Oi, Bard!" Alfrid stalked into his line of vision, "the CEO from Mirkwood Enterprises is comin' in," he looked at his phone, "10 minutes. We need someone to go meet 'im."

 

"Oh my god," Bard dragged his hand down his face. He was simultaneously the best and the worst person for this unexpected promotion; he was honest, educated, and fair, but he was also unprepared and inexperienced. He'd look like an absolute fool in front of the CEO of their most reliable customer, but if it meant that they could still do business, then a fool he would be.

 

Bard unlocked The ‘Master’s’ office and tried to make it look at least a little presentable for the coming company. Ten minutes passed all too soon as a very out-of-Bard’s-price-range car pulled in front of the building. The front doors were opened and Bard left the office to greet the formidable CEO.

 

Coming face to face with the very man that had been haunting his fantasies for the past week was a truly unexpected, unwelcome surprise. This man, this CEO for god’s sake, had seen him in naught but his underwear, and now was going to tear him to pieces for his old boss’s mistakes. His pulse was quickening and his thoughts were racing.  

 

_Oh Christ…_

 

* * *

 

Thranduil stopped dead in his tracks. He could not believe his...luck? The stripper whose muscles and skin and everything had plagued him for days upon days and drove him to distraction was here, in front of him.

 

But of course, this had to happen this day of all days. As much as he’d love to throw caution to the wind just this once and have a tryst in a shipyard closet with a complete stranger, he had to find that bloody “Master” guy.

 

"Uh..." Thranduil started but found himself at a loss.

 

"If you're looking for the Master, he's not here anymore."

 

"What? What do you mean 'anymore'?"

 

"I mean he left for good with $50,000. I'm in charge now." Bard hadn’t meant to say it that bluntly, but he hadn’t the patience for niceties and it was the truth.

 

"Fuck." Thranduil hadn't meant it as an insult, more as a description of the situation, but the outburst raised the other man's eyebrow. He offered his hand.

 

"I'm Bard." Thranduil took his hand in a gesture of their newfound professional relationship.

 

"Thranduil Oropherion." Bard's hand was warm and rough, calloused by his work in the shipyard. Their hands stayed clasped for an entire two moments too long. As they separated, they caught eyes. Thranduil licked his lips unconsciously, yet it seemed purposeful to both men. A loaded moment of silence lingered about them.

 

"If you want to," Bard broke the silence, "you could come into the office and get your order sorted."

 

"Oh!" Thranduil had admittedly forgotten all about it, "yeah, that would be wonderful."

 

Bard held the door open for Thranduil and surveyed the absolute mess of files that he hadn't even begun to try and make sense of. He leafed through them, trying to determine how they were ordered. It wasn't alphabetically by company or CEO name.

 

"When's the last time you received an order from us?" Bard asked, utterly lost.

 

"Um..." Thranduil was lost too, but for different reasons. Bard had rolled up the sleeves of his work shirt, revealing his forearms. His hair was tied back, and in his stress, Bard had ran his hands through at the top an liberated a few strands. "I believe it was three months ago."

 

Bard assumed that without a filing system, the Master just piled on the files as they appeared, and he was right. He found Thranduil’s file a ways down and pulled it out.

 

“Are you ordering the same supplies?” He handed him his file and their fingers brushed. A blush threatened to creep from Thranduil’s collar and he busied himself looking over the contents of his last order.

 

“Yeah, this should be it.” He handed it back.

 

“Alright,” Bard took the file, and the resulting brush of hands seemed a bit more purposeful, “I can get this all sorted for you.” Bard went for the door, holding it open for Thranduil.

 

“You can come along,” Bard said to Thranduil, who was currently occupying the same door frame as Bard, “if you like.” Their proximity would have been uncomfortable if it weren’t so thrilling.Thranduil swallowed; this awkwardness he held around Bard was so uncharacteristic yet hard to break. The novelty and shock of the Master’s departure had worn off and for the first time in the conversation, Thranduil’s thought were occupied on the fact that this man had stripped down to his underwear in front of him. He had masturbated to the thought of this man’s body under the pretense that they would never meet again. The blush crept up to his face, if only slightly, and he nodded.

 

“Better come along and make sure it’s done right.” Bard’s eyebrows rose at this.

 

“Oh, you think I can’t do my job?” It was just a joke, and the teasing only made Thranduil more daring. He was walking dangerous territory, and he knew it, but it was thrilling. He hadn’t felt this way in truly a long time. A nagging voice in the back of his head wormed through. Elrond is right, it said, you haven’t been with anyone in so long. What’s the harm?

 

“Oh, I’m sure you can do it. But I’d rather you show me, rather than tell.”

 

“Don’t you think I’ve done enough showing between us?” Bard smirked. The bold remark acknowledging the elephant in the room for the first time almost threw Thranduil off.

 

“Not nearly enough.” Bard laughed as they walked into an elevator that Thranduil assumed went to the stock rooms.

 

"Well, you'll have to pay extra for that." Thranduil blushed, even if just a little, at the comment. He couldn’t find the words to reply to that comment, but he didn’t have to. A sharp, metallic sound came from the elevator as it jolted to a stop.

 

“Oh christ.” Bard ran a hand down his tired, frustrated face.

 

“What was that?” Thranduil asked, knowing that whatever the answer may be, he wouldn’t like it.

 

“That was the elevator shutting down for the fourth time this month. We,” Bard shook his head and corrected himself, “The Master was supposed to have it fixed but…” he trailed off with a shrug, pulling out his phone to alert another employee of the situation.

 

Thranduil’s heart was beating faster, but not out of any kind of fear of elevators or cramped spaces. He was stuck for some undetermined amount of time in a tight space with Bard. Alone. With no possibility of being discovered in the midst of...well, whatever they happened to be doing.

 

“Uh,” he started and grasped for words, “how long does it usually take to, well...fix this situation?” Bard considered the question and shrugged.

 

“Usually fifeteen minutes or so.”

 

“So we have fifteen minutes.” Thranduil leaned against the wall while Bard settled himself into its corner.

 

“That we do. We’ve already done introductions and you have seen me almost naked.”

 

“That I have,” he replied, purposefully staring at the floor, smiling. Bard smirked at the matter-of-fact agreement. When silence followed, Thranduil looked up at Bard, who slightly pushed himself off the wall and into a little into his personal space.

 

“You’ve seen me disrobed and yet I’ve never seen any of you.” He bit his lip as his eyes wandered over Thranduil’s lithe frame. “That hardly seems fair, don’t you think?”

 

“I hardly think it is.”

 

“Well, I think fifteen minutes is plenty of time for you to show me.”  He brushed the light, blonde hair off of his shoulder and placed his lips under his jaw. Thranduil’s breath hitched in his throat as Bard’s lips and teeth grazed and bit his skin and released as strong hands gripped his waist. He ran one of his hand through his dark hair while the other settled on Bard’s hip and pushed his shirt out from where is was tucked into his pants.

 

Bard’s hands pushed him harder against the wall and worked their way under his shirt. His mouth traveled lower on Thranduil’s neck, but not low enough to hide any the marks he was making with his teeth. Their hands shifted so that they could work the buttons on each other's shirts. Bard finished first, parting the fabric to see his firm physique and run his hands over the pale, godlike skin.

 

Thranduil worked hard at the buttons of Bard’s work shirt, but they were truly made to withstand any kind of manual labor. When he finally freed him of his shirt, Thranduil reveled in his hardened body and tan skin. It wasn’t as smooth and pampered as the skin of his associates, but that made it so much more thrilling. He slid a hand around his neck and pulled him into another kiss. Bard was truly a new experience; a new world to immerse himself in.

 

For someone who worked in a shipyard, he smelled surprisingly good. Of course he smelled like the metal and sweat Thranduil was expecting, but there was something so much deeper. He smelled like soap and spices, leather and fire; a mix that stoked a flame inside of Thranduil's stomach and heightened the rush of blood to embarrassing places.

 

Almost reading his mind, Bard slid a now free hand down his abdomen and over his clothed cock. Thranduil moaned into his mouth and reciprocated the action. They both moved their hips to press harder on each other's hands. Bard used his other hand to push the shirt off of Thranduil’s shoulders and held them closer together with a firm grip on the small of his back.

 

Deciding to escalate things further, Thranduil unbuttoned Bard’s jeans and slid his hand over his hard cock. Bard moaned loudly into their kiss and pushed him up against the wall so hard, Thranduil had part his legs wider to accommodate him. He moved his hands from the front of Thranduil’s pants and his back to hold him up and thrust against him. They moaned in tandem and Thranduil wrapped his legs around Bard’s waist and his hand around the back of his neck to pull them together even tighter.

 

They both moved into each other, trying to get off desperately before the elevator was fixed and they were put on display before all the employees of the shipyard. Bard unbuttoned Thranduil’s pants and pulled out his cock. Thranduil, already gripping Bard’s member, did the same and took them both in his free hand. He slid his hand up and down while Bard thrusted his hips in time.

 

Their moaning got more desperate, their kissing sloppier, and Bard thrusted harder. Teeth were scraping lips and tongues, and Thranduil’s hand had moved from Bard’s neck and up into his tangled hair. He wrapped his fingers around the hair near the roots and pulled, drawing out a loud moan from Bard, who thrust his hips once more and released into Thranduil’s hand. Exhaling heavily, Bard took the other man in hand while he broke the kiss and ran his teeth over the taut skin of Thranduil’s pale neck.

 

Thranduil came moments later with a high moan. His legs slid off of Bard’s abdomen, but were too shaky to stand. He settled for sliding down the wall of the elevator and sitting on the floor, grasping his knees and settling his head on them. Bard was leaning against the adjacent wall, catching his breath.

 

“That was…” Thranduil shook his head, “...not how I imagined it.”

 

“So you’ve imagined it then?” Bard smirked and Thranduil just laughed breathlessly.

 

“Was it better or worse?” Bard continues.

 

“Better.” Bard smiled more. “But I definitely didn’t imagine it would be in a public place.”

 

“Yeah, well,” Bard considered his next move, “perhaps next time we could do it somewhere more proper. A bed, perhaps.”

 

“Next time?” Thranduil ventured, trying to confirm that this was not the last time they would meet.

 

“Well, I mean if you want there to be a next time.”

 

“I do.” He replied, much to fast. He knew it was probably not too suave of him to hastily accept the offer, but he did not want this to be considered a one-night, or one-day, stand. Bard nodded at his confirmation.

 

“Good, so do I. Can I give you my number?” Thranduil nodded and handed him his phone. After Bard put it in, he sighed.

 

“You know we still have like, seven minutes.”

 

“Oh god.” Thranduil let his head fall back and hit the wall. Bard laughed.

 

“I guess we have to talk to each other, then.”

 

* * *

 

In the remaining time, Bard and Thranduil talked about their lives. It seemed strange to Bard that they had gone from sex to small talk in that order, instead of the other way around. He learned that Thranduil had a son the same age as Sigrid and Bard who was going to take over his business someday. Thranduil had never married but still kept in contact with his son’s mother. He also learned that his son, Legolas, was the one who hired him to dance at the party.

 

“Oh yeah, why was I hired in the first place?” Bard inquired. Thranduil made a noise of frustration, but not at him, as he pinched his nose.

 

“My annoying ‘friend’, if you want to call him that, decided that I was so pathetic and lonely that the only possible intervention was to hire a stripper for a party in my house that I didn’t even throw.”

 

“I thought your son hired me?”

 

“Technically he did the choosing and hiring, but my ‘friend’”, Thranduil put an impossible amount of venom into the word, “put him up to it.” Bard laughed at the idea.

 

“So what about you?” Thranduil asked. “Why is a shipyard worker by day stripping for parties by night?” One of Thranduil’s bold eyebrows was quirked in interest. Bard shrugged.

 

“I have a pair of twins Legolas’ age. College for two isn’t easy.” He shrugged again. “The pay’s good, better than the shipyard.”

 

“Won’t your...promotion help with pay?”

 

“I guess...I honestly haven’t thought about that.”

 

“Do your kids know? About..all that?”

 

“My oldest two do. My youngest isn’t old enough to even understand why stripping would be a job.” Thranduil laughed.

 

“How old is the youngest?”

 

“She’s 10.”

 

“Good luck with the next couple of years.” Thranduil laughed, remembering Legolas when he was 13 and wore eyeliner and streaks in his beautiful hair. Thranduil had nearly cried when he saw what his son had done to his inherited tresses.

 

“Oh, I’ve certainly seen my fair share.”

 

Their conversation was cut short as the elevator jolted to life again. Bard suddenly remembered that they were still shirtless, though they had already rebuttoned their pants. His re-robing only took seconds, but Thranduil’s shirt had to be tucked in. By the time the door opened to the stock rooms, the front of the shirt remained free and tucking it in would only draw attention to the fact that it had clearly come off sometime in the elevator.

 

Thranduil watched as Bard directed for Mirkwood’s order to be put into the trucks and delivered. He also reminded the workers that an order from the Erebor Company was coming in from the docks that afternoon and Thranduil unwittingly seethed. Of course Thorin Oakenshield had to ruin his good post-elevator-sex mood just by being mentioned. _He always had to fuck everything up, didn’t he?_

 

“What got your panties in a twist?”

 

“Oh just,” he shook his head, “I just hate the CEO of Erebor.”

 

“Never met him.”

 

“Pray you don’t have to. He’s very,” Thranduil circled his finger pointed at his head, “unstable.”

 

They returned to the elevator that, thankfully, didn’t break down. Not that either of them would have minded a repeat performance, but there was still much to do for both of them. Thranduil turned to Bard before walking out of the building.

 

“We should do this again sometime.”

 

“Definitely.” Bard replied. He looked around to see if anyone was watching and drew Thranduil in for kiss. He reveled in his soft lips and the satisfied sound he made before moving to kiss under his ear.

 

“Text me, okay?” He mumbled into his blonde, almost white, hair. Thranduil nodded.

 

“I will.” He replied, taking his leave hastily. The last moment they shared seemed so tender, but Thranduil did not want to read into it too much. Part of him was scared that the warmth of that moment was just an illusion and if he threw himself into it too fast, he’d get hurt again.

Thranduil cursed inwardly. _Elrond is going to have a field day with this one._  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Legolas was an emo, confirmed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for some dad sexting! Also Bilbo, because he matters, too.

**From: Legolas Oropherion**

OMG he came home with hickeys ALL OVER his neck!!!

 

**From: Legolas Oropherion**

It worked!! I can’t believe it worked!! He’s actually smiling!!

 

**From: Elrond Peredhil**

What??? You must be joking.

 

**From: Legolas Oropherion**

No, really! I don’t even think he’s noticed because he hasn’t covered them up. And they’re pretty bad.

 

**From: Elrond Peredhil**

How bad are we talking?

 

**From: Legolas Oropherion**

Like...purple. Some of them might even be bloody, I’m not very close. If you hurry, you can see them in person.

 

**From: Elrond Peredhil**

Oh my god, I’ll be there.

 

* * *

 

Thranduil was cooking dinner for Legolas when someone barged in their front door.

 

“Thranduil, my darling! How are you? Oh,” he pulled at his collar, revealing the bruises he had totally forgotten about. Thranduil tried to fight Elrond’s hand away but he was too late. “Now what do we have here!

 

“That’s just...um…” He gestured vaguely.

 

“Been a naughty boy, have we? Come, tell me all about it.”

 

“I’m cooking.”

 

“Multitask! Talk to me.” Elrond sat at the kitchen table, still in Thranduil’s line of sight, and watched him expectantly. Thranduil sighed.

 

“Well, you will just never believe who I saw while working today.”

 

“Who?”

 

“The, um, dancer you hired for me.” There was a pause.

 

“Oh my good gracious. You fucked the stripper, didn’t you.” Thranduil paused again to consider the possibility that Legolas was listening in. He probably was, but having to hear about his father’s sex life was probably punishment enough.

 

“I did.”

 

“Wow. I did not think you had it in you. Not for one second. So where did it happen? On your desk?”

 

“In a…” Thranduil swallowed, “in an elevator in the Laketown shipyard.”

 

“Oh my god. You… you are honestly just full of surprises today.” He laughed, “Thranduil Oropherion fucking a stripper in a shipyard elevator? Jesus christ, you didn’t pick anything up, did you?”

 

“No, of course not!” Thranduil snapped, offended that Elrond would even consider him a candidate for venereal disease. But then again, they didn’t use protection or anything… He tried not to blush to give away his bluff.

 

“So what did you do with him?”

 

“Elrond, jesus! I am not telling you that.”

 

“Well he did quite a number on your neck. Sore anywhere else?” Thranduil abandoned his pasta and smacked Elrond upside the head.

 

“You’re disgusting.”

 

“Well, are you?” Thranduil shook his head.

 

“It’s not like we had any...supplies or anything. So no, we didn’t do that.” Elrond considered this.

 

“Did you suck his cock?” Thranduil pinched his nose and sighed.

 

“Honestly, Elrond, I expect better language from you than ‘did you suck his cock’.” He imitated. Elrond rolled his eyes in frustration.

 

“How do you want me to say it then? Did you engage him in penetrative oral sex? In an elevator in the seediest part of town?”

 

“No, I didn’t.”

 

“Well then what did you fucking do?”

 

“Do I have to spell it out for you?” Thranduil raised his hand and wiggled his fingers as a clue.

 

“Ohh...Thranduil Oropherion always keeps it classy with a public handjob. Saving third base for your second date with a stripper? Or are you waiting for a better elevator?”

 

“You are unbelievable. Keep poking fun at me and I won’t tell you about next time.”

 

“Next time?”

 

“He said there’d be a next time.” Thranduil said quietly.

 

“You’re going to see him again?”

 

“Yes. Well...I mean I hope so. He gave me his number.”

 

“Who did, da?” Legolas had come downstairs, apparently not listening in after all.

 

“No one, little leaf.”

 

“You should sext him.”

 

“Elrond, jesus.” Thranduil ran his hand through his hair in frustration, “my son is right here.”

 

“Who is my father sexting?” Legolas asked to no one in particular.

 

“Oh, do you remember that stripper-”

 

“Elrond…” Thranduil said menacingly.

 

“No way, really? Is that who gave him all the…” Legolas gestured around his neck.

 

“Why in fact it was!”

 

“Jesus christ…” Thranduil lamented to his pasta. Of course Elrond stayed for dinner and badgered him about his encounter even more. Even Legolas joined in the questioning before Thranduil angrily put a stop to the impromptu interview. He eagerly showed Elrond the door.

 

“Well, have fun with your ‘dancer’. Not too much, though!” He winked and Thranduil rolled his eyes.

 

“Yeah, and you have fun with your little boyfriend, you cradle robber.” It was Elrond’s turn to roll his eyes.

 

“He’s 25!”

 

“You’re 40!” He slammed the door. Elrond sighed, the noise muffled from the other side.

 

“Love you, too!”

 

Thranduil turned to his son and ruffled his hair.

 

“What the fuck do you think you’re smirking at?”

 

* * *

 

Bard returned home without a frown for the first time in...well, a while. After Thranduil had left, he still had to deal with his new position and the work that went along with it. The encounter significantly brightened his mood, however, as did coming home early to his kids. Seeing as he was the boss now, he let everyone leave early to counter the extremely stressful goings on of the day. When he walked in, Sigrid was on her laptop at the kitchen counter with her back to him and earphones on.

 

“Guess who!” He covered her eyes and she yelped, ripping the buds from her ears.

 

“Da! What are you doing home so early?” She turned out of her chair and hugged him. At her exclamation, Bain tumbled out of his room and into the kitchen.

 

“Da!” He got a hug from Bain, as well. Hugs from him used to be so far in between, but they came often now that college was looming menacingly in the distance. “You’re home!”

 

“Yeah, uh, my boss left.” There was a flurry of questions from both of them.

 

“Does that mean you’re in charge now?” Sigrid looked at him expectantly.

 

“Well, yeah. So I told everyone to go home early.” Sigrid gasped and smiled.

 

“That’s good, right?” Bain asked, “I mean, it’s a promotion?”

 

“Yeah. I mean, I haven’t actually figured out how much I’m gonna get paid now. Hopefully more.” He could tell by the look on Bain’s face the question he was leaving unsaid. _Are you going to quit your second job?_ Bard honestly didn’t know the answer. He hoped that his promotion would pay off, but for all he knew, the shipyard was bankrupt and The Master left when he did just to cut his losses and run. He tried not to focus on the fear.

 

“Oh da! This one of the first times you’re home in time to come pick up Tilda!” Sigrid and Bain were putting on their shoes.

 

“Come with us!” Bain invited and of course Bard couldn’t refuse. It was a beautiful day, and for once things seemed to be looking up for him.

 

* * *

 

Thranduil stared numbly at his phone. He knew he should text Bard, hell, he wanted to more than anything. But what did one say? How did teenagers do this nonstop, all day? He thought about asking Legolas to help him, but he knew he would be laughed at. Elrond would tell him to do something totally ludicrous and awkward.

He could trust no one but himself for this task...well, that wasn’t entirely true. There was one person who might be able to help him out of this ridiculous scenario.

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

Hey, I need your help right now.

 

**From: Bilbo Baggins**

Are you ok? What’s happening?

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

Nothing serious, but I must ask you not to tell you-know-who about this

 

**From: Bilbo Baggins**

You’re not asking me to destroy his company from the inside out again, are you?

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

I said it wasn’t serious! No, I just don’t want him to know because it’s awkward. For me.

 

**From: Bilbo Baggins**

Ok, now I’m very curious

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

Ok, ok. I have absolutely no idea how to go about texting this one person and I need help

 

**From: Bilbo Baggins**

How do you know them?

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

They stripped at one of my parties and then I saw them at work and we had relations

 

**From: Bilbo Baggins**

What

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

I had sex with a party stripper and he gave me his number under the pretense that we were going to meet up again

 

**From: Bilbo Baggins**

I honestly don’t know what to say

 

**From: Bilbo Baggins**

Are you asking me for sexting advice, or???

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

No!!! I’m asking how to start a conversation with someone you’ve had sex with

 

**From: Bilbo Baggins**

Why would I know? I’ve been dating the same man since before texting existed! Ask Elrond

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

I am not asking Elrond.

 

**From: Bilbo Baggins**

Well, you’re not gonna get anything out of me

 

Thranduil sighed, and figured that he was going to have to figure it out himself.

 

* * *

 

They came home with a very excited Tilda in tow who, unlike her siblings, did not have an overabundance of questions for her father. She instead took the new experience of having her father come pick her up in stride. Bard felt a tug deep in his heart at her pure excitement just from seeing him a little earlier than usual. He decided that with his newfound power, he would cut hours as much as he could.

 

Sigrid proposed watching a movie together as a family, which everyone enthusiastically supported. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but half an hour into Beauty and the Beast, Bard found himself incredibly bored.

 

He loved his family more than anything in the world, but this was probably the 15th time he had sat through what appeared to be both Sigrid and Tilda’s favorite Disney movie. He tried not to make it obvious for Tilda’s sake that he was checking his phone often. It was for naught, as his messages were completely empty.

 

An hour in, he got a text from a new number. His heart leapt into his throat as he checked it.

 

**From: (1) 203-248-5192**

Hi, it’s Thranduil, aka the guy you hooked up with in a broken elevator

 

**From: (1) 203-248-5192**

What are you up to?

 

**From: Bard Bowman**

with my family, what about you?

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

all alone

 

**From: Bard Bowman**

oh really?

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

I thought you said you were with your family, you exhibitionist

 

**From: Bard Bowman**

I can only watch beauty and the beast so many times without getting bored

 

**From: Bard Bowman**

so what are you up to? all alone?

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

are you trying to sext me?

 

**From: Bard Bowman**

you caught me

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

you’d sext someone while you were with your kids?

 

**From: Bard Bowman**

big talk from someone whose son hired him a stripper

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

very true, you win

 

This last statement perplexed Bard, as he was unaware as to what exactly he had won at. He received another message that didn’t appear to have any text. As he opened it, he realized it was a picture. Of Thranduil. Wearing nothing but very tight, dark blue underwear. He blushed and locked his phone again. The movie was almost ending and seeing as he needed privacy to deal with this situation, he put his phone back into his pocket.

 

After cleaning up the popcorn Tilda had spilled everywhere, they said their goodnights and left for their separate rooms. Once alone, Bard took the time to admire the picture. During their tryst in the elevator, he didn’t get to appreciate Thranduil’s physique other than his chest. He really did have a nice ass and Bard was grateful to have received a picture highlighting it.

 

**From: Bard Bowman**

you were right about sexting with kids in the room

 

**From: Bard Bowman:**

not good

 

**From: Bard Bowman:**

the idea of sexting, not the picture

 

**From: Bard Bowman:**

the picture is very, very, very good

 

**From Thranduil Oropherion**

hm, not convinced

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

need more proof of your gratitude

 

Bard smirked and turned to make sure the door was shut. He took off his shirt and pulled the waistband of his sweatpants down enough to show the Apollo’s belt Thranduil seemed to like and the veins that ran down to his cock. He felt like a bloody teenager doing this, but he angled his phone and took the picture. His heart was racing as he sent a picture of his bare, toned abdomen to a man he’d know for a day.

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

very nice...verrrrry nice.

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

I am convinced.

 

Bard received another picture. It was from a similar angle as the first; taken in the mirror from over Thranduil’s shoulder, showing off his wonderful behind. Only this time, Thranduil wasn’t wearing anything at all. Bard’s blood started pounding and flowing downwards. He slid his hand under his lowered waistband and took his hardening cock in hand.

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

This one’s gonna take a little more to convince me

 

Bard moaned, partly because of his grip on his cock, and partly because of Thranduil. His pose in the picture and his words dripped with lust and sexuality. Bard couldn't wait to see him again and get his hands on him. He wanted to dig his fingers so hard into the ample flesh of Thranduil’s ass; he wanted to leave bruises on the pale, godly skin.

 

His member was completely hard now, so Bard pushed his waistband down even further and gripped his cock. The adrenaline pumping through him eliminated all second thoughts as he took the picture and sent it

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

Holy shit…

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

That’s impressive

 

Bard was enraptured in this moment. He hadn’t done anything like this in a long time, and his body was reacting accordingly. He knew it wouldn’t take long, as pathetic as that made him feel. He let go of himself and picked up his phone.

 

**From: Bard Bowman**

are you convinced?

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

very.

 

He received another picture;the same angle as before, but Thranduil was bent over, his hair swent of his shoulder and two finger inside of himself. Bard tightened his grip on himself and lost it. The picture of Thranduil fucking himself, under the implication that he had sparked that need and arousal, was too much, and he came in his hand. He covered his mouth with his free hand as he released, knowing all too well that the walls of this house were thin.

 

**From: Bard Bowman**

holy fucking hell

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

you liked the pic?

 

**From: Bard Bowman**

i liked it very much

 

**From: Bard Bowman**

but i think i’d like it better in person

 

**From: Thranduil Oropherion**

come over sunday? noon?

 

**From: Bard Bowman**

it’s a date.

 

* * *

 

It was raining the next day, which gave Thranduil a perfect excuse to wear a gray turtleneck under his blazer to the meeting he forgot about. His mind was still buzzing from last night; he couldn't believe he had actually sexted this guy like a thirsty teen. His thoughts were also racing because it was Saturday, and Sunday, the Sunday he agreed to hook up with Bard again, was just one day away.

 

He walked into the board room early, mostly to avoid talking to anyone in his idleness.

 

“What a groundbreaking fashion choice, my good friend.” So it appeared Elrond had arrived early as well.

 

“It’s raining.”

 

“So you wear a turtleneck? Honestly, what’s going to happen? Afraid of exposing your neck to the elements?”

 

“You damn well know why I wore it, but no one else needs to.”

 

“So, any developments?” Elrond inquired, and Thranduil blushed. In fact there were major developments, but embarrassing ones. After the adrenaline rush of his orgasm had subsided, he grew increasingly aware of the fact that there was another person on the planet who had access to a picture of him with his fingers in his ass. Honestly, what was he thinking? That picture was lewd to a completely new degree, but it had been damn effective.

 

“What did you do?” Elrond grew expectant, waiting to hear all about it.

 

“Nothing…”

 

“Did you see him again.”

 

“No.” There was a pause as he thought it over.

 

“You sexted him, didn’t you?”

 

“Of course not!” Thranduil almost shrieked with indignation. Elrond gasped and brought his hands to his mouth.

 

“Oh gods, you did! You really did. What did you say? Or was it pictures?”

 

“Elrond, enough! We have a board meeting in two minutes.” He could see other members and assistants approaching the room.

 

“Oh, yes of course. What ever is this meeting about?”

 

“I honestly don't know. I forgot.”

 

“Hm. Distracted nowadays, are we?”

 

“Shut up!”


End file.
